We get the pace and timing of intimacy all wrong. As the rock & media anthems blare out into our culture, "we want it all and we want it now".... The two sexiest words in the English language have nothing to do with the sexual act but they lay the ground work for sustainable relationships: RESPECT and TRUST. Doesn't sound very "sexy" does it?
Respect implies a duality of humility and a desire to learn who the "other" really is. It's an attitude that goes way beyond judging a person by what can be seen on the surface. When you respect a person you make a major assumption that the real value lies much deeper than the visible surface. The idea of pacing in relationship applies a certain sense of the artist in getting to know others. If I respect people, I will make an effort to know them by listening, studying, embracing the difference and responding in step with a shared rhythm of pace. Lust demands immediacy, while love and intimacy demand measured and careful responses. You certainly don't respect someone when you leap to conclusions and demand someone become what you want them to be..... that is hatred without varnish.
Trust is so fundamentally needed to develop and sustain intimacy that we could write for days on its meaning and essential qualities... but we won't. Let's cut to the core understanding. Trust is in the context of human relationships a response to honor and respect. It's a byproduct of someone who shows care, sensitivity and selflessness in relationships. Trust develops from ongoing deposits large and small of acts of love, goodness, kindness and shared joy. When trust is betrayed in a major way the relationship of intimacy is stripped down to the foundation and must be rebuilt... over time and through consistent deposits of character based acts of love. The real aroma of love is not fundamentally based on romantic imagery alone (though it helps a great deal!). When someone can be trusted and respected over time, the intimacy of conversation, emotional and sensual connection deepens to levels that last a life time. Revolving door relationships result from rushing into and depending on sexuality as glue without really first "knowing" the person in their inner selves.
Sexual pleasure is one of life's greatest experiences but its not meant to be wasted or spoiled by selfishness or lack of respect and trust. When we go into relationships through the back door of control or impulse we miss the full extent of joy and pleasure prepared in God's timing and design. When we trust God enough and respect others enough we begin to see the blueprint of sustainable love and move beyond selfishness and abuse of others whom we say we love.
Respect implies a duality of humility and a desire to learn who the "other" really is. It's an attitude that goes way beyond judging a person by what can be seen on the surface. When you respect a person you make a major assumption that the real value lies much deeper than the visible surface. The idea of pacing in relationship applies a certain sense of the artist in getting to know others. If I respect people, I will make an effort to know them by listening, studying, embracing the difference and responding in step with a shared rhythm of pace. Lust demands immediacy, while love and intimacy demand measured and careful responses. You certainly don't respect someone when you leap to conclusions and demand someone become what you want them to be..... that is hatred without varnish.
Trust is so fundamentally needed to develop and sustain intimacy that we could write for days on its meaning and essential qualities... but we won't. Let's cut to the core understanding. Trust is in the context of human relationships a response to honor and respect. It's a byproduct of someone who shows care, sensitivity and selflessness in relationships. Trust develops from ongoing deposits large and small of acts of love, goodness, kindness and shared joy. When trust is betrayed in a major way the relationship of intimacy is stripped down to the foundation and must be rebuilt... over time and through consistent deposits of character based acts of love. The real aroma of love is not fundamentally based on romantic imagery alone (though it helps a great deal!). When someone can be trusted and respected over time, the intimacy of conversation, emotional and sensual connection deepens to levels that last a life time. Revolving door relationships result from rushing into and depending on sexuality as glue without really first "knowing" the person in their inner selves.
Sexual pleasure is one of life's greatest experiences but its not meant to be wasted or spoiled by selfishness or lack of respect and trust. When we go into relationships through the back door of control or impulse we miss the full extent of joy and pleasure prepared in God's timing and design. When we trust God enough and respect others enough we begin to see the blueprint of sustainable love and move beyond selfishness and abuse of others whom we say we love.
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