The Judas Syndrome
When relationships falter and go bad we often are shocked and wonder what happened. Out of nowhere seemingly solid and close relationships often fail in what seem to be unknown causes. There are many reasons why relationships fizzle and fail, but today I would like to describe a serious and staggering collapse in relationship that I call the "Judas syndrome". Judas was one of Jesus twelve disciples who though selected to follow Jesus as one of the apostles eventually betrayed him for money. Judas heard and saw the amazing teaching and miracles that the other 11 apostles experienced and yet ultimately he chose to reject Jesus and betray him to death. Just what went wrong? When relationships collapse there is often a series of choices that lead to a progressive downward spiral toward separation and 'death' of the relationships.

A key word to look at and understand in the development and health of any relationship is expectation. At any point in relationship both parties have both spoken and unspoken expectations regarding what the other person should or should not do to maintain or even deepen that relationship. The ability to form reasonable and healthy expectations (and to be able to communicate them clearly) in relationships is a fundamental need in the development and growth of healthy relationships. When we can't communicate what we need or expect in our relationships, we set ourselves up for the certainty of disappointment.

Disappointment can be be defined as not getting what we want, when we want it. Healthy relationships have a balanced and understanding view of what others can supply in adding value to our lives. When we put people at the center of our lives and subtract the need for God, we ensure an eventual collapse of relationship. Healthy relationships demand we have both a vertical and horizontal flow of relationships. Jesus boldly spoke on this very issue in the 22nd chapter of the gospel of Matthew, "You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." When we put all of our expectations for love and intimacy on people alone, we create an imbalance. As a result of sin, we neglect our need for relationship with God and put people in a place they are doomed to disappoint. No one on this planet can supply all our need for love intimacy apart from God.

Judas Iscariot was called by Jesus to follow him and proclaim his message. But Judas expectation of Jesus was for a political deliverer and source of income. A turning point toward disappointment is unveiled in the gospel of John chapter 12 and verses 1-7. Here we see an amazing contrast in relationship. Mary in contrast to Judas, understands that Jesus is so worthy of adoration and devotion that she takes expensive perfume to wash and anoint Jesus feet. Mary knew who Jesus was and no expense or act of worship was too extravagant for him. Judas on the other hand who is described as a 'thief' laments the loss of potential material gain for himself. Judas was disappointed. Judas wanted Jesus to be something he could never be and this marked the turning point in his life...bitterness was at the door calling loudly to his soul.

When we don't get what we want in relationship, we often blame the other person or even God. Our expectations unexamined and tried by truth lead us down a slippery path of disappointment and hurt. When we don't examine our expectations and deal in a healthy way with our disappointments we are potentially on a highway toward bitterness.

Bitterness can be defined as a person marked by cynicism and deep contempt for others. A bitter person ceases to believe in the goodness of the other. There is nothing to believe for in relationship. There is an ongoing burning of disgust centered around the places of disappointment and unmet expectations. Unresolved bitterness is perhaps the most fatal form of 'soul cancer'. It eats away at our humanity and saps our ability to love one another. It bleeds over into other relationships like physical cancers and tumors spread to other organs and body systems. Unless bitterness is addressed and healed, it is always fatal leaving its victims alone in their pain. The end of unresolved bitterness is always 100 percent fatal. There is only one cure and the victim of bitterness is often resistant to swallow it-----forgiveness.

Jesus is God and he is under no obligation to be someone or something else. Our prayers cannot be used as leverage to get him to do what we want or become someone he is not. Judas wanted Jesus to deliver Israel and provide him with a position in a liberated nation. Jesus had no such intention and Judas was disappointed to the point of bitterness. It ate on him day and night and he was looking for a way to strike at the heart of Jesus. Our disappointments flow out of our corrupted desires. Desires can be pure when we walk in surrender to the will of God. Desires that are not surrendered to God become sources of tyranny and corruption. Finally in one horrendous act of betrayal, Judas revealed his ignorance of who Jesus was. Judas desire for money led him to betray the Son of God for 30 pieces of silver. In an unprecedented act of selfishness he was shouting for all the world to hear, "If I can't get what I want, Jesus won't get what he wants". Judas got his money but he didn't get what he wanted or needed. Judas hung himself and forfeited the love and relationship he so desperately needed. It's all about love and nothing else will ever satisfy.

Judas is not an aberration. The temptation to move in the direction of what I call the "Judas Syndrome" is present in all of us to some degree. All of us have expectations. All of us must deal with our disappointment. And unfortunately we might encounter the dangerous mine field of bitterness.

Wounds of the soul are difficult to overcome. The way out toward healing can seem insurmountable. It's difficult to walk out of darkness alone We need a community of people who will reflect healing and forgiveness toward us even when we stumble and fall into sin. We need God....and we need one another. It's all about love.