As a child growing up I never wanted to be known as a 'dreamer'. I wanted to be known as someone responsible. Someone who made correct decisions with little risk. I wanted to live my life in the 'sure thing' realm. Get a decent job. Make average or better money. Live somewhere in the middle of 'middle America'. When I heard the word dreamer it conjured up images of irresponsibility. So at the age of 17 with no money for education, I did the responsible thing and joined the military. I would work hard, stay out of trouble, and save money for my education. And about 3 years into my sojourn of responsibility, my world became undone. I found myself in trouble on the inside. I had achieved a measure of success in the military.... graduating with honors in their medical laboratory training schools. I worked hard.... and saved every dime I could. I wanted to be safe. But the safety of a savings account did nothing for my soul. I was flat out empty and going into a danger zone emotionally and spiritually. I needed something more than a respectful safe place. I needed love.
On August 2nd, 1980 I prayed a prayer that lasted no more than 5 seconds. I cried out to God on the gym floor of a Baptist church for help. I can't recall the words of my prayer but they were probably nothing more than, "Help, I am screwed up!" Help came. My life has been an ongoing relationship with God who continually challenges me to walk with him to places I would never go alone. By nature I want to hide.... hide from people, hide from danger, hide from myself. But God.... is love... and he won't let me alone!
Over the last several years I have been dreaming backward.... let me explain. My fears of becoming known as a 'dreamer' stem from observing that many dreamers never seem to amount to anything at all. Their dreams are fanciful, naive and frankly often crazy. But when you walk with God (and this sounds...excuse me...dreamer like) and he speaks to you through scripture it can define your life and change everything. I was reading in the final book of the bible known as Revelation. (Warning.... don't read this book at home alone...it could permanently alter the course of your life) I was specifically reading Revelation chapter 5 and verses 8-10. It describes a magnificent and hard to comprehend scene from heaven. Jesus is at the center of the picture, "When he took the scroll, the four living creatures and the 24 elders fell down before the Lamb. Each one had a harp and four gold bowls filled with incense, which are the prayers of the saints. And they sang a new song: You are worthy to take the scroll and to open its seals; and you redeemed people for God by your blood from every tribe and language and people and nation. You made them a kingdom and priests to our God, and they will reign on the earth."
This vision of the future in heaven has defined my reality.... and my dreams for the last 15 years. While praying in December, 1997 in Gilgit, Pakistan, God spoke to me two words, "International Students". I spent the next several months praying what those two seemingly disconnected words meant to me and my life. Previously I had told God while I enjoyed living and working in Pakistan I wanted to if possible to serve among people "all over the world". Long story short I wound up in Mobile , Alabama where for nearly 13 years I have served the international students at the University of South Alabama. Since the summer of 2009 I have also been developing along with a team of friends an international church known as "All Nations Community Church". I have become a 'dreamer'. But unlike most dreams I am dreaming backwards. God has revealed the future to me.... well in fact to all of us... who choose to believe it. He has shown me the future and I want all of my decisions, plans, priorities and purposes to be defined by that future reality which I see by faith.
I am building a house of love that goes beyond ethnic boundaries to cooperate with a future God has promised us all. I am living among a community of people defined by gratitude and worship of a God of love. We are wrapped together in a garment of many colors.... a rainbow of grace. I am no longer able to be that middle of the road man who won't take any risks. I have been transformed by a God who heard my cries for help three decades ago and will never be the same. Where he goes I go.... what he says I say. I'm dreaming backwards.... into a future....filled with love.
Jim
No comments:
Post a Comment