The Living Dead: My Year of Darkness and Transformation

1979 was the hardest year of my life. I was 20 years old and living in Anchorage, Alaska. I had a challenging job working as a Medical Lab tech for the U.S. Air-force at Elmendorf Air force base. The toughest part was the shift work. I worked from around 3:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. the next morning. That is a long shift. Since I was single, our Senior Master Sergeant had the idea that having me work nights would ensure the married guys had a better quality of life..... I sure hope they did... it was killing me.
Over time I became more and more tired and disgusted by my life. I didn't mind being a lab tech. I just minded not having any thing else in my life. The military doesn't guarantee a 40 hour work week. They "own" you. Yes, there are benefits. They provide housing, food, educational benefits etc.... and 30 days vacation a year.... if they can spare you. Really my problem wasn't with the military. It was with me.
On the inside at the tender young age of 20 was a dead soul. I really had everything that I needed to live. Food, housing, meaningful work( perhaps too much!). But my soul was dead. At one point I remember going to the cafeteria in the hospital where I worked and remarking that I felt like the food was 'killing' me". I was sitting with a bunch of my co-workers and they looked at me with consternation. The main course that night was 'liver' and it tasted like rubber. After a while the food just didn't seem to taste like anything at all. I was dying from the inside out.
I gradually became more and more cynical and rebellious...and arrogant. I was a scary guy to be around. When people saw me heading to work in the evening they would sometimes cross the street to avoid coming face to face with me. If you had access to some old photos of me you would be surprised to see my face. In the summer and fall of 1979 I looked at least 35 and not 20. I was hardened. My heart was stone cold dead.
Once your heart stops beating and your lungs stop breathing you have approximately 4 minutes until your brain begins to suffer irreparable damage. If you are fortunate enough to have someone do CPR and provide advanced life support you might just survive. But there is another kind of death and its far too common. It's a sad reality for many that death is already close at hand. The living dead are those who get up in the morning and move around on the outside but are dead on the inside.
Every single person on the planet lives in 3 dimensions: Body, Soul & Spirit. We are taught to eat right, exercise, search out purpose and meaning in our work etc.... But there's more. We are meant to connect with something eternal... someone eternal. I'ts not about religion. Religion more often than not will kill you before it heals you. Religion lays down rules, regulations and restrictions designed to bind you to others in a prison of control. No, what we need is life itself...which comes through an amazing display of love in Jesus. Grace is something we must embrace before we can really live in this world of the living dead.
To be free on the inside....to be forgiven and to forgive is to come fully alive. That feeling of dissatisfaction and emptiness you're experiencing right now is something I can remember too well. It's a heavy load to carry through life for even one day. For me the backpack of boulders fell off on August 2nd , 1980. On that day I found out about a forever love that accepted me, forgave me and ultimately saved me. It's good to be alive. Jesus is real.

Jim