How "Self Help" Books Almost Killed Me

  I've always been a big reader. I remember the first book I read to myself. I learned reading literally on my mother's knee. The first book I read without assistance was a historical book about the revolutionary war at age 5... hence a life long love of history!
 Growing up I was considered a shy child. I found solace in reading and I continue to read voraciously up to the present. I often found it difficult ask others for help or assistance. I wanted to solve my own problems and I used books to teach me about life.  If I couldn't find the answers in a book, I was out of luck because I just was too afraid to approach people with my issues and problems. I grew up in a fairly stable home and until the age of 17 I lived at home. I went to school. I participated in sports like track and cross country. I also read so many history books that my teachers were intimidated by me in the classroom. I would often correct them if they got their 'facts' wrong.
  Upon graduation from high school and just prior to my 18th birthday, I joined the United States Air Force. I spent the first 18 months in various training schools to become a Medical Laboratory Technician. Life continued to be fairly simple. I was immersed in books related to the sciences and was thrilled to be studying hours each day. I did well in the Air Force schools graduating 2nd in my class ranking. Finally after my training days were completed, I wound up being stationed far from home in Anchorage, Alaska. (Elmendorf Air force base)
  Now I began to live in the 'real world' of responsibility and hard work... and stress. Being single, low ranking and recently graduated from technical school I was immediately assigned to the 'night shift'. The married lab techs and those who out ranked me rejoiced. I was going to improve the quality of their life... by working when they didn't want to. Eventually I wound up working up to 16 hour days with very little sleep. Very quickly the quality of my life collapsed. Working long hours alone and the responsibility of running a medical laboratory by myself played havoc with my body, soul and spirit.
  I reached out to the only source of comfort I knew....books. I went to the 'self help' section of the bookstores and libraries I had access to.  One book in particular I read at the time sort of summed up my state of mind at the time, "Looking Out For #1" by Robert Ringer. It was a best seller at the time. Reading it almost killed me.
  I don't blame the author. I blame myself. You see what I really needed at the time was not 'self help' but God's help. God's help came eventually as my attempts at practicing 'self help' distanced me from people and made me into a shallow, selfish and dark soul very quickly.  What I learned most of all during that dark and difficult time in my life is that self help can often devolve quickly into a selfish and shallow life that doesn't work at all.
  It's really when we come to the end of ourselves that we find out who we really are.  I was made not to 'look out for #1,  but to love and be loved. When I stopped hanging out in the 'self help' section of bookstores, I finally found the help I really needed. I met the God who made me and loved me enough to help me and save me. I found real life in a different kind of book... a book that tells me I am loved enough that a perfect and sinless Savior died for me... and rose again to give me life...and relationship.

Jim