Covenant Marriage: The Vows

  As a father, husband and more recently as a Pastor I have been thinking a lot about the state of marriage in our world... in my world. On December 31st, I will be conducting a marriage ceremony for two dear friends, Richard and Nivi who met here in Mobile as international students. In spite of the intense and satisfying experience of romantic love that is a universal phenomenon, marriage as an institution appears to be 'on the ropes' and declining rapidly in both numbers and quality. As my two dear friends from India prepare for their wedding I have been spending some time trying to communicate the concept of commitment to God and with one another in marriage. The word covenant comes to mind... a solemn agreement.... a serious and absolute agreement to do what one says in the context of a life long relationship. For the Christian, the idea of covenant relationship flows out of grace and the character of God. Without the vertical dependence on God we will inevitably stumble and fail one another in our desire for a covenant marriage. Right now, Mary and I are reading and teaching our way through a book on marriage with a radical premise. The book is called, "Sacred Marriage" and it is written by Gary Thomas. The subtitle for the book says a lot, "What if God designed marriage to make us Holy more than make us happy?" We live in a modern culture saturated with the 'search for happiness'. I can honestly say that in our marriage I have been a very satisfied and blessed man. But I have not always been 'happy' and much of my 'unhappiness' was very important and well placed in making me a better person.... a better husband and a better father to my children. Sometimes happiness is overrated.
  Over the last couple of months my own marriage covenant has been tested by pressure placed upon one of our marriage vows. On June 29th, 1985 Mary and I stood before God, our families and friends to establish our covenant of marriage. We repeated vows that I believe are both biblical and deeply human. Being young and deeply in love the words we spoke carried both excitement and intimidation... the pledge of life long fidelity and commitment seemed somehow overwhelming and difficult to comprehend. One vow struck me hard as I took a deep breath and repeated it publicly, I made a pledge.... a vow to love Mary, "in sickness, and in health..... till death do us part." As I gazed across at my magnificently beautiful wife Mary who was a picture of radiance and excellent health I had difficulty imagining any sickness ever coming our way. Some day perhaps in the long distant future we might have some illness but..... I repeated the words, but knew deep in my heart that the vows which came so easily to my lips would be much harder to live out when the time came...when the test came....when the temptation came.....when our bodies, our souls and perhaps our minds might fail us.
  Two months ago sickness rocked our world suddenly and without warning. Suddenly my wife and I faced a test of our covenant..... of our love for one another. The vision in my right eye was damaged by a serious form of cancer that could end my life. At some points over the last few weeks I have had to literally lean on my wife to walk me down the road....in sickness and in health has come to our door as a reality far weightier than simple words repeated in a formal wedding ceremony. Mary's vows to me (and mine to hers) have been proven to be true. Our love has matured, deepened and grown since that nervous ceremony 26 years ago. Each test of the vows we spoke verbally has served as a basis for something much deeper than we could ever imagine. My hope....my prayer and my deepest desire is to continue to walk in covenant love with Mary Victoria Schiavoni Mather.... a woman whose virtue, passion and love make life so rich for me and so many others. In sickness.... and in health.....till death do us part.

Jim