Walking Dead Man: From Darkness to Light

1979 was the hardest year of my life. I was 20 years old and living in Anchorage, Alaska. I had a challenging job working as a Medical Lab tech for the U.S. Air-force at Elmendorf Air force base. The toughest part was the shift work. I worked from around 3:30 p.m. till 7 a.m. the next morning. That is a long shift. Since I was single, our Senior Master Sergeant had the idea that having me work nights would ensure the married guys had a better quality of life..... I sure hope they did... it was killing me.

Over time I became more and more tired and disgusted by my life. I didn't mind being a lab tech. I just minded not having any thing else in my life. The military doesn't guarantee a 40 hour work week. They "own" you. Yes, there are benefits. They provide housing, food, educational benefits etc.... and 30 days vacation a year.... if they can spare you. Really my problem wasn't with the military. It was with me.

On the inside at the tender young age of 20 was a dead soul. I really had everything that I needed to live. Food, housing, meaningful work( perhaps too much!). But my soul was dead. At one point I remember going to the cafeteria in the hospital where I worked and remarking that I felt like the food was 'killing' me". I was sitting with a bunch of my co-workers and they looked at me with consternation. The main course that night was 'liver' and it tasted like rubber. After a while the food just didn't seem to taste like anything at all. I was dying from the inside out.

I gradually became more and more cynical and rebellious...and arrogant. I was a scary guy to be around. When people saw me heading to work in the evening they would sometimes cross the street to avoid coming face to face with me. If you had access to some old photos of me you would be surprised to see my face. In the summer and fall of 1979 I looked at least 35 and not 20. I was hardened. My heart was stone cold dead.

Once your heart stops beating and your lungs stop breathing you have approximately 4 minutes until your brain begins to suffer irreparable damage. If you are fortunate enough to have someone do CPR and provide advanced life support you might just survive. But there is another kind of death and its far too common. It's a sad reality for many that death is already close at hand. The living dead are those who get up in the morning and move around on the outside but are dead on the inside.

Every single person on the planet lives in 3 dimensions: Body, Soul & Spirit. We are taught to eat right, exercise, search out purpose and meaning in our work etc.... But there's more. We are meant to connect with something eternal... someone eternal. I'ts not about religion. Religion more often than not will kill you before it heals you. Religion lays down rules, regulations and restrictions designed to bind you to others in a prison of control. No, what we need is life itself...which comes through an amazing display of love in Jesus. Grace is something we must embrace before we can really live in this world of the living dead.

To be free on the inside....to be forgiven and to forgive is to come fully alive. That feeling of dissatisfaction and emptiness you're experiencing right now is something I can remember too well. It's a heavy load to carry through life for even one day. For me the backpack of boulders fell off on August 2nd , 1980. On that day I found out about a forever love that accepted me, forgave me and ultimately saved me. It's good to be alive. Jesus is real.

Jim

Working Ourselves to Death

    I was just beginning my 3-11 p.m. shift at Lankenau hospital's ICU when I met one of my patient's for the evening. I knew he was going to be a challenge when I saw him wearing a business suit and clutching his brief case ever so tightly  in his bed. As I approached him he was pulling papers out of the brief case and preparing to do something apparently very urgent. He asked me if he could smoke while he proceeded to light up. When I objected for safety issues etc he pretended not to hear me.

    My patient proceeded to inform me that he was a very busy and important man. Mr. 'Heart Attack' waiting to happen was in the hospital at age 43 with a dire prognosis of very severe coronary artery disease. He was scheduled to have bypass surgery the next day and had been admitted in the ICU prior to the surgery because of his history: heavy smoker, hypertension and a serious case of denial!

As I began to teach him about his upcoming surgery and review his health history it became apparent he had no intention of altering his inherently dangerous lifestyle. He pointed at his chest and promptly drew an imaginary outline around his heart. "I am here to get the 'problem' cut out of my chest" he boldly stated. He was going to continue smoking, working non stop 7 days a week and just do whatever he wanted in life. His major goal was to make more $ to add to the million he had already socked away by his 40th birthday. To say I could see a proverbial train wreck approaching would be an understatement, but what happened the next day is still imprinted clearly on my brain today though it happened nearly 25 years ago!

  The next day I came on again to the 3-11 shift to see my patient transformed into the most critically ill person in the ICU ward. During surgery his heart had completely failed and they had to insert a device known as an intra aortic balloon pump. The IABP is threaded through the femoral artery in the groin area to assist the failing heart with additional pumping action. Unfortunately for my TYPE A aggressive patient, he was now completely out of control. He was not aware of his surroundings and kept trying to pull everything out of his body that was keeping him alive. He struggled for a few days and later died not having made one additional dollar or living to see his 44th birthday. Oddly enough during his entire ICU stay he had not a single visitor. He had worked himself to death.

  We all will eventually die... but how we live matters more than we realize. Having worked for several years in ICU's in various hospitals I can tell you that no one leaving this planet asks for a calculator or a bank statement as their last request. When we're struggling to live... to take our very next breath we aren't helped by knowing we made more money than the man in the bed next to us in the ICU.

   Work is important. What we do in our work day does have significance...but it's not everything. In the beginning God commanded man to work 6 days and reserve the seventh for rest. Do you know what it means to rest?  Rest is very difficult for us when our sense of significance is totally wrapped around what we do apart from who we are. When we are disconnected from God and others in relationship, we live often very frantic lives. We want to have meaning and a sense of purpose but aren't sure how to make it happen.

  What if you knew you were loved 'no matter what'.  Your significance and sense of worth were not meant to be tethered conditionally to your 'performance' in life. God's love for you is the foundation stone of lasting security and significance. The Bible states this clearly, "For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them." (Ephesians 2: 8-10)

  It's when we receive the gift of grace through faith that we begin to rest on the inside. Work and career remain in balance when we live our lives in the power and grace of God.  Instead of working ourselves to death....we can begin and end life in the rest that comes from grace. You are loved and God has prepared something magnificent for you to do with your life.  Let him bring you to the place of balance and blessing!

Jim

The Father's Touch

When the wound won't heal, when it's set in steel

I'm falling forward to the place called love

The bitter tears, the woeful cry, won't go unheeded by the Father's ear

Movement towards you, gnarled hands, placed upon the broken lamb

Pure love calling, leaning in, feeling something whole again

Singing voices, blending in, echoed chorus of heaven's wind

Darkness moves back at heaven's song, body resonates from the sounds of love

The voice of healing sticks to my soul, It's building a home for love to live

It's not religion that's come my way, it's pure and holy in a simple way

The Father's reached me and settled in, I'm glad to know, I'm home again

Don't Waste the Wait

  Every significant life event and achievement is preceded by periods of time in which we are forced to wait for what we desire to happen. We often view waiting time as wasted time. We want to 'arrive' at our goal, our destination, our end point. But what if our waiting time wasn't meant to be wasted? What if our waiting time was meant to be seized and garnered as a precious resource of preparation for the road ahead?

  Transition and periods of change are an immense challenge. When we sense change in our job, physical location or relationships we are tempted to 'check out' and begin the pursuit of the next thing in life. The mistake we make most often is that we refuse to live fully 'in the now' of life's precious moments. Each moment in life is valuable. We often think that when we arrive at a particular place of achievement that 'real life' begins. You often hear people discuss what they will do once they: marry, graduate, have children, retire, leave home, relocate... you name the place or type of transition for yourself. What if instead of waiting for change we seized each precious moment and fully lived in it?

  What can you do with your life while you're on your way to achieving your goals and dreams? People who are near death offer us some great perspective on not 'wasting the wait' in life. Most people interviewed who knew their lives were near the end said they would have focused more time on relationships and less on working and making money. Visions and dreams are important but not to the point that they cause us to sacrifice people and relationships. While you're waiting... preparing and dreaming for a life of meaning and purpose, pay attention to the people who are living around you right now! No one wants to be a means to an end. Are you so focused on your goals that you have become indifferent to the people in your life right now?

  I live across the street from a University and interact with highly motivated people working towards degrees and dreams. The focus is often on grades, papers, graduate school and career. I admire and encourage the people I meet daily to pursue those goals with faith, hard work and discipline. But I also try to temper my counsel and encouragement with words of caution from Jesus. Jesus said this, "For what does it profit a man to gain the whole world and forfeit his soul? For what can a man give in return for his soul?" When we allow our own personal goals, dreams or vision for life crowd out the things that last forever we've lost our soul....we've lost ourselves....we've lost what really matters most of all.

  Perhaps on our way to where we want to go we can remember that relationships matter more than we realize. Perhaps the things that we achieve and learn and contribute to society were meant to connect us with God and one another.  There are three things that last forever in life and they are all spiritual. "So now faith, hope and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love." (1 Corinthians 13:13)  What are you waiting for? Don't waste the wait. Recognize the people around you as the greatest treasure of all. Learn how to invest and build on the relationships you have right now. There is nothing you can achieve in life that matters so much that you need to forfeit or destroy a relationship to obtain that goal.  A dream without satisfying relationships is a mirage. A vision that doesn't bring hope to our communities is a nightmare. Don't waste the wait.... love God, love people.

Becoming One

  I am preparing to marry two wonderful people on Saturday afternoon in Pensacola, Florida. As I sit here preparing my thoughts for a brief but hopefully meaningful marriage message, I am struck by one powerful verse from the Bible. In Genesis 2:24, 25 we get some powerful insight into the Biblical revelation concerning marriage, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed."

  I have been meditating on the phrase... and they shall become one flesh.  Two unique people becoming one.... how is that possible? Is that just poetic metaphor trying to capture the sublime wonder of physical union? Or is there something deeper? Is there something that brings a man and a woman together that unites much more than just the physical? There is certainly something uniquely powerful and wondrous in the sexual completeness of a husband and wife dedicated to bring one another pleasure and given the power to reproduce human life together. I believe that becoming one with our spouse is to involve every element of who we are as people: Body, Soul & Spirit.

  Becoming one with our spouse in the true biblical sense involves a 'knowing' far beyond just a physical experience or encounter. To truly know someone involves a life long process of deep intention and commitment... and exploration. For men and women being created in God's image are deeply complex and offer many hidden treasures for the diligent and faithful lover to explore and attend to. To love as God would have us love involves a huge commitment of time, sacrifice and undivided attention and focus. Becoming one is all about process. There is nothing accidental about true intimacy in relationships.  Love from God's perspective and purpose is intentional, planned and engineered with an end in mind. When we really and truly love someone we seek to know every aspect of who they are. We seek to bring pleasure in meaningful ways beyond our own self centered desires and thoughts.  The God kind of love is always seeking to bring lasting satisfaction to the object of his or her desire..... what would bring the one I love the most joy... the most peace.... the most fulfillment.

  We see marriages and relationships collapse all around us largely because we have been sold lust instead of love.  We are enslaved by the physical and lost to the deeper and more enduring spiritual aspects of love.  To believe in another.... to be faithful when all others are found faithless..... to consistently put others before our own temporary and fickle happiness. Those are rare things in our 'modern' world. To be satisfied in our marriage relationship requires a commitment to a life long process of 'becoming one'.  For the believer there is power and a presence beyond ourselves calling us forward into life long intimacy and growth.  Ecclesiastes 4:12 tells us, "A threefold cord is not quickly broken."  When husband and wife immerse themselves in a relationship with God, the power of trinity sweeps into the human covenant of marriage.  Becoming one is in many ways an impossibility apart from God's intervention. Human selfishness is constantly beckoning us to 'look out for #1... ourselves. However, in the gospel of Jesus Christ we find the power of the life laid down for the other.  Jesus displayed brilliantly for us all that, "greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends." (John 15:12)

  Becoming one is God's purpose for marriage.  Marriage is a high calling that when born of and empowered by God acts as an engine of grace in a broken world of lonely souls. Don't settle for less in your relationships than what God promises.  You were born for relationship.  You were born for love.  Let God provide what you can never gain in your own strength.

Be Still

  Do you find it difficult to be still? Are you someone always on the move? The ability to embrace quietness of the soul and inactivity is often a barometer for the condition of our soul. The Psalmist issues an urgent call from God to our hearts, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! (Psalm 46:10)
  We are in desperate need of perspective. Sometimes we are guilty of staying busy for fear of what we might encounter when the noise and busyness stops! When we stop and listen for the voice beyond ourselves we gain a view of reality that will alter our lives for good. The first and central reality we must discover is that we are not the center of the universe! There is a God whose purposes give meaning and direction to all human life and experience. God is to be the central focus of our lives on this planet. God will be exalted.... there is no stopping that and the sooner we join in the chorus of praise, the sooner our lives become whole and healthy.
  We often hear people seeking out a more balanced and healthy lifestyle. We concentrate on the edges and margins of life... an exercise regimen and perhaps a short lived diet. Neither of these are unimportant but when we ignore the spiritual dimension, we might just miss the reason for having good physical health. It's not about strutting your stuff on the edge of the beach... it's for yielding your entire life to the God who shaped and formed you for an amazing life of meaning and purpose. It's in becoming still on the inside and listening to his voice above all others that we find him... and ourselves.
  Be still.... and know, really know the God of the universe... and in knowing him begin to discover who you really are.

Jim

Intimacy Killers: Infidelity

  In order to develop and maintain intimacy in our relationships we must have a character quality known as fidelity.  Fidelity is defined as faithfulness that is steadfast in the face of any temptation to renounce, desert, or betray. Intimacy demands loyalty and devotion to whom we are committed. 

  Infidelity in relationships between men and women is one of the most frequently cited causes for relational failure. It is important we understand the why behind the necessity of faithfulness and fidelity in our relationships. When we go back to our 'relational roots' in the book of Genesis we see that intimacy and satisfaction in relationship was a God idea. Men and women were joined in a mutually satisfying unique creation.... the two were united into one. They were completely intimate, vulnerable, satisfied and without shame. ( see Genesis 2:18-25)

  Infidelity is more than an isolated physical act or relationship outside of marriage. Infidelity is rooted in the false belief that we can find 'what we're looking for' in intimacy outside of a committed relationship. It's a lie that plays upon our broken and sinful nature guaranteeing what it can never deliver. The sin trap begins when we look beyond the truth right in front of us to embrace the lie just beyond us. In the context of relational intimacy, infidelity often begins with lust. Lust is defined as unbridled sexual desire. Lust allows  the eyes and heart to wander outside of what is righteous and true. It seeks to take what it wants. It's not rooted in true love...it demands, it grabs. Lust is rooted in selfish desire though it often acts the part of genuine love. Jesus tells us that 'anyone who even looks on a woman with lust in his eye has  already committed adultery with her in his heart'. In a society and culture saturated with sexual imagery, its little wonder we have so few truly committed and intimate relationships. Betrayal is an act that damages all three dimensions of who we are as men and women. (Body, Soul & Spirit)

  Infidelity impacts our physical, emotional and spiritual selves. Once we cross the line of faithfulness in our marriage, we damage both ourselves and those who we claim to love. If you are married and you seek for intimacy outside of a relationship with your husband or wife, you are guilty of infidelity and in danger of destroying yourself and your spouse.

  There is something uniquely destructive to human beings when we are guilty of sexual immorality. In 1 Corinthians chapter 6 we read, "But our bodies were not made for sexual immorality. They were made for the Lord, and the Lord cares about our bodies. And God will raise our bodies from the dead by his marvelous power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead. Don't you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man (or woman) take his body which belongs to Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never! And don't you know that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the scriptures say, "The two become one." But the person who is joined to the Lord becomes one spirit with him. Run away from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body."

  When we sexually unite with another human we become "one" with that person in every conceivable dimension. There is no such thing as 'casual sex'.  What God created for committed relationship is beautiful and satisfying in the right context. When we take our sexuality and spread it around beyond the safe boundaries of committed love we damage every aspect of our humanity. The intimacy we seek through unbridled sexual relationships often ensures we will never find what we're looking for.

  Real intimacy demands committed and life long relationships which are willing to work through differences, disappointments and disagreements. Intimacy at its core is a spiritual reality that must involve the foundation stones of faith, hope and love. The counterfeits of self, lust and sensuality will never satisfy ultimately. Life long love is built on spiritual substance that will never fail us, never leave us, and never forsake. True intimacy is rooted in the God of love who can make all things new in our relationships. He can heal our broken hearts and give us pure desires. Today, I urge you to forsake infidelity and lust for the real deal of committed love. Intimacy awaits.