Healing for Damaged Emotions

 We don't truly value our health until we lose it. Remaining healthy is a complex equation. We are triune beings.... God has created us as body, soul and spirit. These intertwined components of our humanity are humanly impossible to separate and yet they interact deeply and effect our wholeness..... our health. We tend to pay most of our attention to our physical health (our bodies). We attempt to watch what we eat and exercise etc.... well, most of the time! 

  Our soul is complicated. We are a bundle of emotion, will, thoughts and individual personality. We are deeply impacted by our families and the words said to us in our childhood. We were born for love. We were meant to be raised in an atmosphere of unconditional love and acceptance. As children, our souls are vulnerable to rejection and abuse. We can't protect ourselves. When our soul is injured it affects every aspect of our life. Soul wounds don't show up on X-rays or Cat Scans. But soul wounds deeply impact our health.

  We need an encounter with truth to get well on the inside. When we believe lies about ourselves, they can torment and hurt us for a lifetime, until those deceptions are identified and removed. We desperately need healing....from the inside out. In the New Testament book of Hebrews we encounter the reality of Jesus as the healer of our soul. "For the word of God is living and effective and sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating as far as to divide soul, spirit, joints, and marrow; it is a judge of the ideas and thoughts of the heart. No creature is hidden from him, but all things are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give an account." (Heb. 4:12,13)

  God can see things undetectable by human eyes and sophisticated technology. He sees it all. And yet his eyes are motivated by an amazing love that seeks to heal and not condemn. He waits for us to come to him with all our brokenness to bring healing and hope when wholeness eludes us.

  The beauty of Christ is that he is able to sympathize with our weaknesses. Jesus by coming as the Son of man allowed himself to be tested in every way as we are --- yet without sin. He calls us today to come to him... to the throne of GRACE, with boldness. We often need to keep coming... healing of the soul is a process. The throne of grace fortunately has an unlimited supply of mercy and grace... and it delivers healing on time. It takes time to process our soul injuries and to be healed from the inside out. While forgiveness flows immediately, our ability to process that healing takes time.

  God's not in a hurry pushing you toward healing. He is perfect love.... and love is patient. Today, start the journey. Allow his perfect vision to identify the bruised and broken places in your soul. You can't be truly whole when you ignore your emotions, disappointments and the abuse of others. We need healing for our damaged emotions.

Healing is a process of replacing lies with truth. Truth is not disembodied principles applied to problems. Truth is personal. Jesus said it this way, " I am the way, the truth, and the life, No one comes to the Father except through me." Healing always leads back to relationship.... we are healed by the TRUTH, who is Jesus himself.

  Through the counsel and application of that truth to our lives.... over time, we are healed. God by his Spirit applies the truth balm to the hurting and damaged parts of our soul and then life and health begin to spring forth. In a community of acceptance and love we can slowly and steadily walk out of the darkness of rejection, depression, perfectionism, anger and low self esteem. Healing is a journey that requires family. No one should have to walk alone. Are you tired of being  beaten down in life by lies and distortion? Are you struggling with issues of identity and purpose? You're not alone. I challenge you to call out to God and allow the truth of his word to renew and transform your mind and heart. It's in knowing the God of love that healing begins and ends. It's all about love. (Romans 12:1,2)

  If I can help you in any way, let me know. I too have been wounded in life, but by God's grace, I am choosing to be a wounded healer. Together, let's walk out of darkness, into God's marvelous light and love.

Jim

Tearing off our Masks

  Do you know who you really are? Do others know the REAL you? A mask is designed and worn to conceal and to cover the real. Masks are so commonly worn in our relationships that they often become our reality. We don't know what it is like to take off our false identity and sense of self. 


  It wasn't meant to be this way. We were created with a unique sense of beauty and inherent value by God.  We are stamped with an amazing and indelible image..... the image of God. "Then God said, Let us make man in Our image, according to our likeness..."


   No matter how broken we might become because of evil, abuse, failure or our own wayward ways, that image is never totally erased. We know we were born for love.  But part of the fallout from sin in our world is a deep sense of insecurity that plays on our sense of inherent value. We doubt we will ever find deep intimacy if people knew the 'real us'.  So we begin the confusing and tiring task of taking on multiple false identities. The strain of wearing masks to please others is both burdensome and debilitating. The more energy we take in becoming someone we're not, the less strength we have to just be who we really are. The longer we do down the road in this game of masquerade, the more in danger we are of losing our souls. 


   Your soul is the real you. Your personality, emotion, dreams, passion, gifting and desires are all wrapped tightly together into a physical package of unique DNA. God made you to be who you are. When you let go of that treasure and that supreme value of the unique you....well you're now as lost as you could ever be.

  No job, no relationship, no physical location will ever completely satisfy the man or woman who has lost their soul to a false identity. When you clothe yourself in another's desire and fantasy, you wake up with a deep sense of emptiness and despair. You may have the empty praise of a few 'friends' but you know deep inside they don't even know you. You might even be years into a marriage or intimate relationship scared to death knowing you've never revealed the real you. You've taken your clothes off, but you've never opened your heart up. Your deepest fear is that this house of cards built with masks might be revealed. What then?

  What has forced you to keep the masks on?  The biggest reason we don't come out and reveal who we really are is fear.... a deep sense of dread that if people really knew us, they would reject us. And it is certainly possible that we would face rejection from others when we initially 'come clean'. Not everyone knows what love is. Not everyone is fully capable of embracing truth in any form. But there is a source of unconditional love in a relationship with the God who made you..... You.  Yes, God knows everything about you.... and he likes that..... he loves you.  True beauty is founded not on an outward image but on an inward reality and truth far deeper and lasting. You were created, shaped and formed by a master creator whose nature is absolute and pure love.

  That mask you're wearing is not your friend. It's a burden that you must tear off of your face... your heart.... your mind. It's breaking your heart to not be truly loved for who you are .....right now. Life is all about relationships and you were created to love and to be loved.... for who you really are.

You're beautiful. God made you and he loves you the way you really are.  Look deep inside and listen for the voice of love, the voice of affirmation, the voice of truth. Let the masks come off today.... tear them off and come alive to the love you know you need.


Jim

Hidden Beauty

There's beauty in the storms of life. It's hidden deep within.
The bruises, pain and brokenness strike places yet unseen.


The soul is mystery between our skin and bone.
It's real, its life, has meaning all its own.


I feel, I scream, for meaning and for love.
But God alone can answer me, from places unknown to most.


I hear the voices of this world and scramble for some rest.
The hidden beauty of pure love, speaks softly from above.


Forgiveness, hope and beauty, heals my jaded heart.
The pulse of new life beats within and shows love on the Cross.

The smell of blood, the jagged wounds, the sweat of anguish poured out               
Reveal to me for once and all what true beauty is all about.

Temptation

  Temptation is something we all deal with in life. The ability to order our desires is one of the fundamental areas of self control that separate the mature adult from the immaturity of childhood. How can we resist the temptation to fulfill our desires inappropriately? What is a legitimate desire?

  We falter and fall victim to temptation when we refuse to subordinate and order our desires to the right place, the right time and the right purpose. Temptation to sin pushes, coerces, and ultimately imprisons its victims. Desire surrendered to a structure and order inspired by its author and creator (God) fulfills, satisfies and completes. When we remove desire from the authority of its author we pervert it... and ourselves. Nothing is more painful to watch than a man or woman chasing desire at the wrong time, in the wrong place, for the wrong reasons.

  A holy and integrated life..... a life of integrity is a huge challenge in a world where we deify desire and refuse to acknowledge the author of our appetites. God is no 'cosmic' joy killer. God created every sensual pleasure in existence. He created it all not to torment us by removing it just beyond our grasp, but to place it in its proper context.... for ultimate fulfillment.

  The difference between lust and love is paramount in understanding how to overcome the torment of temptation. Lust is about taking and controlling something or someone for one's own gain....irrespective of the other. The challenge and irony of lust is that no matter how much one grasps and controls the 'thing' we hold onto slips just beyond our grasp.... like grains of sand through our fingers. Lust just never delivers what we desire.

  We are tempted to lust more than we care to admit. Lust involves three key areas of temptation: the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life. (See 1 John 2:16) The lust of the flesh involves the broken inner lives of men & women ..... our sinful nature which tends toward rebellion and self worship above everything else. The lust of the eyes simply denotes the gateway to most sins. We see and we want. We don't apply a more mature and discerning approach to our desires. Marketers and profiteers of this broken world understand the power of the visual and will 'sell' you what you want, when you want it.... right now.....for the right price....your soul.  The pride of life involves an inordinate concern with ourselves and how we are seen by others.... the desire for supremacy in life's pecking order. The pride of life demands that we be at the center of life's events and ranking systems. We want to be #1.

  The tragedy of lust is that it demands more and more to be satisfied while delivering less and less actual satisfaction. It's a trap of immense tragedy. There is only one way out: Surrender. Surrender of desire, surrender of purpose, surrender of yourself... to the one who created desire to be satisfied in the right place, at the right time, for the right purpose..... with the right people. He is your creator, redeemer, savior and Lord.... and he never disappoints. The beauty of not 'getting what you want' is you're left with what you really need, love.

Jim

Identity: Finding the Real You

 Do you know who you are? No, I am not talking about your name, your birthplace, your social security number or other pertinent facts you might be asked by a police officer if you are caught speeding on the highway. I am asking a deeper philosophical question about the core of WHO you are. In our search for meaningful lives if we leave the fundamental question of identity unanswered, we will never get to where we were meant to be in life.

  The most difficult questions to answer in life are at their root spiritual ones. They cut to the core of the meaning of life.Why am I here? For what purpose was I born? What does it really mean to be loved? Who am I anyway?

  We develop a sense of identity by the culture and environment that we are born into. We are shaped spiritually and emotionally by the words spoken to us in our childhood. We hear things said about us, even while our own ability to speak is being formed and developed. The power of words spoken over us and to us, shapes our identity and expectations of life. Our view of ourselves and our world can either be accurate or inaccurate depending on the reliability of those given access to our minds and hearts as children.

  When we are born into a home where we are loved, nurtured and cared for in a healthy environment, we are more likely to discover who we really are. The ability to think for oneself, to discover, to explore and to know ourselves is a gift of immense value and magnitude. We must know who we really are before we can find that sense of inner contentment and peace on the inside. When you don't know who you are, you'll strive to be someone else. And in that striving we torment ourselves and ultimately hurt others as well.

  We were born for love. Jesus told us clearly that relationship and purpose are deeply intertwined. In the gospel of Matthew (ch. 22 and verses 37-40) Jesus was challenged by the religious leaders of his day to answer what was the most important moral law in life. Instead of commenting on any specific behavior, Jesus answer challenges our own views of religion and morality, Jesus said, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the greatest and most important commandment. The second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the law and prophets depend on these two commandments."

  Man made religion fails to understand this absolute and fundamental truth: Life is all about relationships.... and relationships to be healthy need to be honest and permeated with unconditional love and acceptance of one another. We cannot discover who we really are until we have been loved unconditionally.

  People were born for love and we will search for it inexorably until we find what we're looking. The challenge in life is to find the real deal before the false and substitutes either kill us or injure us severely. Our soul in its striving for unconditional acceptance and love will sometimes get sucked into the lies and traps of lust and relational abuse. When we don't know the way to love we'll get lost on the journey toward knowing who we really are.

  Fortunately for us, God in his mercy is on a rescue mission to help us find his love.... and ourselves. In an amazing display of the unconditional love and acceptance we all long for he came to us and showed us the way home. In the gospel of John he tell us , "For God so loved the world in this way: He gave his One and Only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life." The reality is none of us fully know who we are until we know on a personal level that deep and nearly unfathomable love of Jesus. (John 3:16)

  The love of the world is deeply marred by conditions, expectations and limitations. I will love you if....... The superficiality of the world's love is easily observed by the content of our media and entertainment. We are told who can or cannot be loved based on appearances: waistlines, facial features, skin colors, wealth etc..... the conditional love of the world creates a schizophrenia and uncertainty that frustrates and mars the human soul. We cannot find what we're looking for when the world keeps changing the measuring rod of who we're supposed to be.

  The beauty of grace and love brought to us in Jesus Christ is that you get to be yourself.... and still be loved. When you falter (and you will) you're still loved and fully accepted. Jesus does not toss you out with the garbage of your own failures and sins.... he goes out and gets you and brings you home. And in that love and acceptance you become who you were born to be.... and you find out who you really are. You are a son or a daughter of a loving God. Born for love.... and to be loved forever. Welcome home!

Jim

The Judas Syndrome

  When relationships falter and go bad we often are shocked and wonder why. Out of nowhere seemingly solid and close relationships often fail in what seem to be unknown causes. There are many reasons why relationships fizzle and fail, but today I would like to describe a serious and staggering collapse in relationship that I call the 'Judas syndrome'. Judas Iscariot was one of Jesus 12 disciples who though selected to follow Jesus Christ as one of the 12 apostles eventually betrayed him for money. Judas heard and saw the amazing teaching and miracles that the other 11 apostles experienced and yet ultimately he chose to reject Jesus and betray him to death. Just what went wrong? When relationships collapse there is often a series of choices that lead to a progressive downward spiral toward separation and 'death' of the relationships.

  A key word to look at and understand in the development and health in any relationship is expectation. At any point in relationship both parties have both spoken and unspoken expectations regarding what the other person should or should not do to maintain or even deepen that relationship. The ability to form reasonable and healthy expectations (and to be able to communicate them clearly) in relationships is a fundamental need in the development and growth of healthy relationships. When we can't communicate what we need or expect in our relationships we set ourselves up for the certainty of disappointment.

  Disappointment can be best be defined as not getting what we want, when we want it. Healthy relationships have a balanced and understanding view of what others can supply in adding value to our lives. When we put people at the center of our lives and subtract the need for God, we ensure an eventual collapse of relationship. Healthy relationships demand we have both a vertical and horizontal flow of relationship. Jesus boldly spoke on this very issue in the 22nd chapter of the gospel of Matthew, " You must love the Lord your God with all your heart, all your soul, and all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. A second is equally important. Love your neighbor as yourself. All the other commandments and all the demands of the prophets are based on these two commandments." When we put all of our expectations for love and intimacy on people alone, we create an imbalance. As a result of sin ('heart' failure) we neglect our need for a relationship with God and put people in a place they are doomed to disappoint. No one on this planet can supply all of our need for love and intimacy apart from God.

  Judas Iscariot was called by Jesus to follow him and proclaim his message. But Judas expectation of Jesus was for a political deliverer and source of income. A turning point toward disappointment is unveiled for us in the gospel of John chapter 12 and verses 1-7. Here we see an amazing contrast of relationship. Mary in contrast to Judas understands that Jesus is so worthy of adoration and devotion that she takes expensive perfume to wash and anoint Jesus feet. Mary knew who Jesus was and no expense or act of worship was too extravagant for him. Judas on the other hand who is described as a 'thief' laments the loss of potential material gain for himself. Judas was disappointed. Judas wanted Jesus to be something he could never be and this marked a turning point in his life.... bitterness was at the door calling loudly to his soul.

  When we don't get 'what we want' in relationship we often blame the other person or even God. Our expectations unexamined and tried by truth lead us down a slippery path of disappointment and hurt. When we don't examine our expectations and deal in a healthy way with our disappointments we are potentially on a highway toward bitterness.

Bitterness can be defined as a person marked by cynicism and deep contempt for others. A bitter person ceases to believe in the goodness of the other. There is nothing to believe for in relationship. There is an ongoing burning of disgust centered around the places of disappointment and unmet expectations.  Unresolved bitterness is perhaps the most fatal form of 'soul cancer'. It eats away at our humanity and saps our ability to love one another. It bleeds over into other relationships like physical cancers and tumors spread to other organs and body systems. Unless bitterness is addressed and healed it is always fatal leaving its victim alone in their pain. The end of unresolved bitterness is always 100 percent fatal. There is only one cure and the victim of bitterness is often resistant to swallow it: forgiveness.

  Jesus is God, he is under no obligation to be someone else. Our prayers cannot be used as leverage to get him to do what we want or become someone he is not. Judas wanted Jesus to deliver Israel and provide him with a position and power in a liberated Israel. Jesus had no such intention and Judas was disappointed to the point of bitterness. It ate on him day and night and he was looking for a way to strike at the heart of Jesus. Our disappointments flow out of our corrupted desires. Desires can be pure when we walk in surrender to the will of God.  Desires that are not surrendered to God become sources of tyranny and corruption. Finally in one horrendous act of betrayal,  Judas revealed his ignorance of who Jesus really was. Judas desire for money led him to betray the Son of God for 30 pieces of silver. In an unprecedented act of selfishness he was shouting for all the world to hear, "If I can't get what I want, Jesus won't get what he wants."  Judas got his  money but he didn't get what he wanted or what he needed. Judas hung himself and forfeited the love and relationship he so desperately needed. It's all about love and nothing else will ever satisfy.

  Judas is not an aberration. The temptation to move in the direction of what I call the Judas syndrome is present for all of us. All of us have expectations. All of us must deal with disappointments. And unfortunately we might encounter the dangerous mine field of bitterness. 

  Wounds of the soul are difficult to overcome.  The way out toward healing can seem insurmountable. It's difficult to walk out of darkness alone. We need a community of people who will reflect healing and forgiveness toward us even while we occasionally stumble and fall into sin. We need God.... and we need one another. It's all about love.

Kissing Your Scars

  A few years ago I watched the movie Slum Dog Millionaire which detailed the rise of Jamal Malik from the intense poverty of the slums of Mumbai, India. Along the way he meets the love of his life, but in midst of the movie she is horribly abused and physically scarred on her face. In a deeply moving and tender scene, Jamal reaches down and  tenderly kisses her scar. In this symbolic gesture Jamal illustrates the deep power of true love.... the embracing of our broken places and our imperfections.

  The real world leaves multiple visible and invisible scars in all our lives. We often try to play 'cover up' with those places of injury and hurt. We wonder, 'will anyone really love me' for who we really are? We live in a culture obsessed with the exterior...with temporal beauty. But real and lasting beauty is found in places far deeper than what the human eye can see.  Jesus Christ himself was brutally beaten to the point where he was unrecognizable. What kept Jesus on the cross when he could have easily come down and destroyed those who were afflicting him? Scripture tells us that 'for the joy set before him he endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God." (Heb 12:2)  Faith sees past the pain and looks toward relationship.  Jesus died for you.  God understands pain and rejection and knows how to enter our world of hurt.

  While others might mock your failure or suffering, God draws near. Jesus stoops to kiss our scars... our broken places of despair, depression and disappointment. The wounds of the soul leave invisible scars often not erased by time alone.  We need to know we are loved deeply and unconditionally. "God demonstrates his love in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." (Romans 5:8)

  In this broken, self centered and superficial world we need to love people where the're at.... right now.  We put conditions on people before we will accept and receive them.  We put internal and external expectations upon people that are often unreachable.  When we love people where they're at, willing to kiss their scars of brokenness, we display the character of God.  The God kind of love reaches out to people where they are right now and offers the hope of acceptance and the dignity of relationship. Will you love the way God loves?

  Your greatest human need is to experience that kind of love....the kind that doesn't cover your scars with the world's 'makeup' but reveals who you really are.  You can have true intimacy in your relationships. But intimacy is best defined as the ability to reveal who you really are without regret. God doesn't just kiss your scars... he reveals the scars he bore for you on the cross....even when we doubt. In a powerful demonstration of acceptance to the doubting apostle Thomas, Jesus showed up after the resurrection and revealed the scars of love, "Then he said to Thomas, Put your finger here, and see my hands; and put your hand, and place it in my side. Do not disbelieve , but believe.  Thomas answered him, My Lord and my God!"  Jesus didn't have to show Thomas his wounds...but he did.

  Perhaps in your pain today you've grown angry or disappointed in God.  The voice of pain often distorts our hearing and our vision of truth.  We doubt that God cares or knows what we are experiencing. My friends.... God does know. The message of the gospel is that God entered into our world and overcame the horrific suffering that sin brought into our world. Along the way, Jesus was not left untouched by the experiences that have left us scarred and hurting. Today, he reaches out to you and me and answers our doubts once and for all.  Let him kiss your scars.

Jim